Wish It Would Break
by MilesToGoBeforeISleep
Summary: (Post graduation, ML) Max had to let Liz go after she experiences something, but what exactly happened? Why would staying with Max make her so unhappy?
1. Introduction

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, especially the characters of Roswell. This is just my imagination looking for a way to give tribute to several great minds. Also, some formats were not created by me and are noted at the end of each posting. It is coincidental that any of this work resembles another except where I have noted.

**Title:** Wish It Would Break

**Summary:** To love and let go.

**Theme song:** "Wish It Would Break" by Dierks Bentley

**Category:** Roswell – Focus Couple: Max and Liz

**Rating:** PG-13 (subject to change at any time with maximum rating of R)

**Author's note:** You'll find me naming all my chapter titles from song titles or lyrics. If you get the chance, play the song while you are reading this and to match the emotion. Also, this is my first piece of fan fiction so please criticize to help and not to bash something that I've worked hard for. I'm not perfect and neither are you.

* * *

"**Wish It Would Break"** lyrics by Dierks Bentley

_That old picture frame keeps hangin' 'round_

_Cause' I ain't ready yet to take it down_

_But every now and then I'll slam the door_

_Shake it loose and she'll hit the floor_

_But I can't throw a good thing away_

_I wish it would break_

_I swear my truck's got a haunted radio _

_Cause' I hear you in every song_

_But I know what the silence makes_

_Me do_

_So I keep givin' those buttons more abuse_

_I wonder how much punchin' it can take_

_I wish it would break_

_chorus_

_Then I could move on right on_

_Down the line_

_Where I don't see you need you_

_In my life_

_But you're wrapped around me_

_Your memory's bound me like a chain_

_I wish it would break_

_And this old heart of mine's got a mind of its own_

_And it's decided not to let you go_

_Even though your love's no longer here_

_It won't let me shed one tear_

_Cause' it's still holdin' onto yesterday_

_I wish it would break_

_chorus_

_I wish it would break_

_I wish it would break_


	2. Part 1: Damaged

**Wish It Would Break**

**Part 1: Damaged **

August 25, 2008

Dear Stephen,

Three years ago, I met you at some party and I overheard some people talk you. I guess we really didn't meet because we were never introduced, but now all I can think about was how great you were to those people. And I just wanted you to know that you mean the same to me  
I don't know what compelled me to write you or why. I guess, after finding some book that I read a long time ago with the author that had the same name as you. This kid, named Charlie, wrote letters to somebody he knew by another person. He started off with:

_I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist. _

_I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it's that simple. At least that's what I've heard._

_So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be._

And I don't want you to find me like Charlie didn't want his friend to find him.

Love always,

Liz

* * *

September 7, 2008

Dear Stephen,

I honestly feel like I am going to die young. I mean, I'm not sick or anything, but I guess I actually want to die at a young age. I'm not suicidal because I want my death to be at a time when people know me well enough to care. I figured this out when I turned fourteen and I had my wisdom teeth extracted. I remember being put to sleep with laughing gas but I was panicking as I was losing my consciousness. I was losing my surroundings as the voices of the doctors were becoming distant even with them standing adjacent to the operating table I was on. I absolutely hated the fact that the room was becoming darker and I felt like I was spinning.

The experience has changed me, I guess, in unexpected ways. For instance, I never had any desire to take drugs, even with peer pressure. There are always plenty of excuses why people take drugs and believe me, I could get anyone's pity if I wanted to. You know…the classic: girl gets raped, girl becomes traumatized, girl can't handle the facts of life, and then girl needs drugs to escape. That COULD be me since…well, let's just say I was stuck by lightening twice.

Remember, I don't want you to pity me. I was too young and naïve to understand what was happening to me the first time. Although, when you are six years old, the pain does intensify. I don't know if I'm ready to talk about the second time…just yet. I swear that I don't have it so bad because if I did, I would be out on the streets…

_Love always,_

Liz

* * *

September 11, 2008

Dear Stephen,

When I turned seven, my parents moved our family to a small town in central New Mexico where my parents grew up. Roswell, New Mexico to be exact and well, anyway, this is where I met my best friend, Maria. I remember meeting her and feeling really stupid. Hah, I still feel really stupid around her because she gives off this presence that she doesn't care about anybody but herself and nothing is ever good enough for her. That's not who she is though because for her, nothing is ever good enough for the people she cares for. She is my Best. We can relate to each other unlike anybody else we know. I guess being friends since the 3rd grade may have been the result to that. Who knows?

I do know that I have so much to thank Maria for…she brought Max into my life. I don't expect anybody to understand how much he meant to me and how he affected my life. I mean, he taught me so much especially love and life. Oh, god, we had the all-consuming, true love.

I miss him.

_Love always,_

_Liz

* * *

_

Author's note:

1 Damaged – "Damaged" is sung by TLC. You'll find me naming all my chapter titles from song titles or lyrics. If you get the chance, play the song while you are reading this and to match the emotion.

2 Chbosky, Stephen. The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

* * *

"Damaged" lyrics

_I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes_

_Don't always say, what's on my mind_

_You know that I've been hurt, by some guy_

_But I don't wanna mess up this time_

_BRIDGE_

_And I really really really care_

_And I really really really want you_

_And I think I'm kinda scared_

_Cos I don't want to lose you_

_If you really really really care_

_Then maybe you can hang through_

_I hope you understand_

_It's nothing to you_

_CHORUS_

_My heart's at a low_

_I'm so much to manage_

_I think you should know that_

_I've been damaged_

_I'm falling in love_

_There's one disadvantage_

_I think you should know that I've been damaged_

_I might look through your stuff, for what I don't wanna find_

_Or I might just set you up, to see if you're all mine_

_I'm a little paranoid, from what I've been through_

_Don't know what you got yourself into_

_And I really really really care (And I care about you so much)_

_And I really really really want you (I really do want you)_

_And I think I'm kinda scared (But I'm scared with every touch)_

_Cos I don't want to lose you (Cos I don't want to lose you)_

_If you really really really care (If you care for me like you_

_say)_

_Then maybe you can hang through (Then maybe you can hang_

_through)_

_I hope you understand (I hope you understand)_

_It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you, you)_

_My heart's at a low (low)_

_I'm so much to manage_

_I think you should know that (I think you should know)_

_I've been damaged_

_I'm falling in love (I'm falling in love)_

_There's one disadvantage_

_I think you should know that I've been damaged (I think you_

_should know that)_

_My heart's at a low_

_I'm so much to manage (I'm so much to manage)_

_I think you should know that (I think you should know that)_

_I've been damaged (I've been damaged)_

_I'm falling in love (I love you so)_

_There's one disadvantage (I love you so)_

_I think you should know that I've been damaged_

_And I really really really want you_

_And I think I'm kinda scared_

_Cos I don't want to lose you_

_If you really really really care_

_Then maybe you can hang through_

_I hope you understand_

_It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you)_

_My heart's at a low_

_I'm so much to manage_

_I think you should know that (Ooh I think you should know I've_

_been damaged)_

_I've been damaged (I've been damaged baby)_

_I'm falling in love (Falling in love with you baby, yeah)_

_There's one disadvantage_

_I think you should know that I've been damaged _

_My heart's at a low_

_I'm so much to manage_

_I think you should know that_

_I've been damaged_

_I'm falling in love_

_There's one disadvantage_

_I think you should know that I've been damaged_


	3. Part 2: The Smile of my Child

**Part 2: The Smile of my Child**

September16, 2008

Dear Stephen,

I don't have much time to write to you today because my son is taking a nap and I have a feeling that he will wake up soon. I haven't mentioned him yet, have I? Yes, I have a three year old son named Caleb. He's great, he really is and I'm not saying this to convince myself because without him, I couldn't go on. He has become my life and I am okay living with the fact that I am a twenty-four year old single mother.

Well, I mean…sometimes I find myself thinking about what life could have been like if I didn't keep him. And then I realize I would be alone. I wouldn't have stayed with Max either way…I couldn't do that to him.

Ugh! Max is the person I only talk about when I had too much alcohol and I lose my self control. It's like when I'm writing to you, I lose my self control. I just can't put up any boundaries in whatever I say to you.

Caleb is awake now.

Love always,

Liz

* * *

I knocked onto the door and listened for any sign of protest but instead heard a girl around the age of seven sing some type of kid song. I listened to the words and every muscle in my body tensed.

_Have you ever gone fishing on a bright sunny day_

_Down by the pond where the little fishes play_

_With your hands in your pockets _

_And your pockets in your pants_

_Have you ever seen fishes do the hoochie chooche dance_

I came in and she screamed "Ack!" as she ran behind her mother. She frowned in embarrassment as she was not sure what else to do. According to my charts, her name was Zoey Griffin and she suffered from the early stages of leukemia. My eyes closed and I hissed at myself wishing I could cure her. She is so young and there is so much for her to live for. It isn't fair that the only thing I can do is help her feel better. I put down my charts and started sing and dancing to the song that she was singing.

Zoey snickered when I shook my hands and danced around by the time I got to "hoochie chooche dance" and slowly made her way out from behind her mother's shoulder.

"Who taught you that?" questioned Ms. Griffin. Her eyes had lit up, grateful that her child smiled even though it was at the expense of my own dignity.

"My wi, my…ugh," I stumbled over realizing I haven't talked about her in nearly two years, "My girlfriend in high school was pretty goofy and always knew how to make a person laugh."

"Well, thank you Doctor…?"

"How could I forget to introduce myself? I'm Zoey's new doctor, Dr. Evans but the kids around here call me Dr. Maxie." I laughed, "Because I come running to them whenever they call."

"Max Evans…" Ms. Griffin rolled my name around. "Your name sounds familiar," she continued, "but you have to be too old to be the Max Evans I've heard about." Questions formed in her head, "Although you don't look over the age of 25."

"I'm not."

* * *

**Author's note:**

The Smile of my Child -"The Smile of my Child" is sung by Amber

* * *

"The Smile of my Child" lyrics 

_(La...)_

_"Your hair shines like gold" says my child_

_"You are pretty old" says my child_

_And I think to myself how I used to be_

_There's another wrinkle that I see_

_Then he takes my hand and smiles at me_

_Chorus:_

_The smile of my child makes me realize that I'm alive_

_The smile of my child makes my life worth living_

_The smile of my child is a reflection of my life_

_And an endless source of love, an endless source of love and_

_giving_

_"You are so nice" says my child_

_"You are so wise" says my child_

_And I think to myself how it's going to be_

_I see so much bad news on TV_

_Then he takes my hand and smiles at me_

_Chorus_

_You are so beautiful when you dance and smile_

_And even though you are so small_

_I want to be everything for you_

_My beautiful child_

_(La...) _


	4. Part 3: Fast Car

**Part 3: Fast Car**

It was the end of the day and I found myself walking up and peering into the window. She was sitting at the counter with her long, beautiful hair falling over her face. The realization of how amazing she was, once again took my breath away. Even when I was sitting in class looking over some test I knew I was going to fail but knew that she's in love with me would make that test seem like a waste of my time…the time that should be only devoted to her and only her.

She glanced up and her eyes glowed as she waved for me to come in. "Max, she's happy to see YOU. Don't look too ecstatic that she wants you or do anything stupid! Be calm and cool. It's only been an hour and a half since you last saw her," I reminded myself once more time but slowly forgot as the scent of her was overpowering me.

"Hi," her lips curled to the side as her eyes squinted from the glare of the sun.

"Hello beautiful, how was your day?" I asked as she rested her palm on my chest that was slowly creeping its way up behind my neck.

"Great, and yours?" I could feel the hairs on my neck tingle from the sensations.

"Perfect now," was all I could mutter out before she pulled me down for a kiss. I sighed, the bittersweet emotions of leaving her came down to this because after not being in her presence made our affection more passionate. But just as the eager craving her body against mine was about to erupt, the distant sound of an, "Ahem," broke our kiss.

"Ahem," Maria cleared her throat a little bit louder this time while she separated us. "Max, you're making her glow again!" she mentioned quietly, "You guys have got to learn how to control your PDA."

"Thanks Maria." The girls giggled and I just had to make sure nobody else saw.

She slipped her hand into mine and our eyes locked. Her lips curled again to the side as she said, "Hey Max, it's okay." If only she knew just how much her smile comforted me…

"God, I love you Liz."

_beepbeepbeep _

_My eyes slowly opened at the flashing digital numbers on the alarm clock. "Fuck, it was just a memory." Why couldn't I just show her how much I loved her and not just think that she would wait around for me forever.

* * *

_

October 02, 2008

Dear Stephen,

I'm moving to another apartment complex tomorrow because I think my parents have tracked me down. It hurts me so much to hide from them and to not let them into my life or their grandson's. When I left, I made it clear that I wasn't kidnapped or anything like that, but I had to leave to get away. Every now and then, they would find out where I live and start asking around since they own a restaurant, back in Roswell, and they run a credit check on me. It's hard because they won't let me go.

One time, when I was pregnant with Caleb, some nosy, old lady asked me what I was running from while we were at the doctor's office. I told her to mind her own business but she said she could help me. Nobody could have helped me because, at the time, I needed to be independent. It was my problem to fix. Michael, a friend of mine, once told me that your own poison is sweeter or something like that. I don't remember exactly what it was but the point was that it may be hard to struggle on your own but you become stronger.

I first left my family right after my high school graduation, and we had literally nothing except the clothes on our back and the van. It was okay though because for the first time in my life I was happy. We had each other and that was the only thing that mattered. Yes, money was scarce since we would only stop long enough to save a little bit of money. Michael was the only one of us who really knew how to budget and accommodate to what little we had.

Nothing lasts forever…at least it doesn't for me. I'm just hoping that I won't forget anything that happened. I don't want to forget happiness so I spent the whole night looking through pictures. I don't have much because I always had to move around pretty lightly. Slipping in and out from one place to another was just apart of our lifestyle, but I do wish I had more pictures. Max and I always did spontaneous things and stuff like classes attendance and detention never got in the way. I always had my camera with me. Oh, I wish I could show you all the crazy times we've had!

Well, this is the final letter. You have no idea how much you have helped me even if it was just be receiving my letters. I really do appreciate everything you are and everything you have done. I apologize for taking so much of your time and I won't do it again. I hope that you are having a wonderful life because no one deserves it more than you. Who else would listen to a stranger? Just please don't think that this isn't real because this is my life and it is how real and unsheltered as it gets.

Love Always,

Liz

* * *

Author's note: 

1 Fast Car – "Fast Car" is sung by Tracy Chapman

* * *

"Fast Car" lyrics 

_You got a fast car  
I want a ticket to anywhere  
Maybe we make a deal  
Maybe together we can get somewhere _

Anyplace is better  
Starting from zero got nothing to lose  
Maybe we'll make something  
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car  
And I got a plan to get us out of here  
I been working at the convenience store  
Managed to save just a little bit of money  
We won't have to drive too far  
Just 'cross the border and into the city  
You and I can both get jobs  
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem  
He live with the bottle that's the way it is  
He says his body's too old for working  
I say his body's too young to look like his  
My mama went off and left him  
She wanted more from life than he could give  
I said somebody's got to take care of him  
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car  
But is it fast enough so we can fly away  
We gotta make a decision  
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car  
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk  
City lights lay out before us  
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder  
And I had a feeling that I belonged  
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car  
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves  
You still ain't got a job  
And I work in a market as a checkout girl  
I know things will get better  
You'll find work and I'll get promoted  
We'll move out of the shelter  
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs  
You got a fast car  
And I got a job that pays all our bills  
You stay out drinking late at the bar  
See more of your friends than you do of your kids  
I'd always hoped for better  
Thought maybe together you and me would find it  
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere  
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car  
But is it fast enough so you can fly away  
You gotta make a decision  
You leave tonight or live and die this way


	5. Part 4: Remember Me

**Part 4: Remember Me **

The annoying sound of my alarm clock went off but all it did was confirm what time it was, 4:45 AM. I've been up for about twenty minutes already just staring out the window. I don't mind much since I'm usually up before dawn anyway. There's just something about watching the sunrise lighting up my room that's intense. That feeling…it seems like it numbs my pain away and it's the only part of the day that I enjoy. Other than those few moments of silence, I like to keep myself busy; it saves me from thinking too much.

She was consumed in my dream tonight, and I guess that's why I'm up especially early. So I sat there just dazing away thinking about what she was doing that very moment. It was always hard for me to concentrate on organizing and planning my day or what I needed to accomplish with her on his mind; heck it was hard for me to do anything with her on my mind. If I had to remember to breathe, I'd probably be blue and white right now with the alarm clock still buzzing.

My dream wasn't exactly about her though since she was never actually present. At first, I was wearing my black suit and I thought it was the day I got married but it wasn't. It was Alex's wake. Then the memories started to flood to me of how Isabel used to be so happy. How I used to be happy. And then, I felt the dying pain I caused Liz to feel after Alex was murdered. I could feel it in her that resolving his murder was her only reason to live after I betrayed and stopped believing in her. The feeling was still in my chest and in my stomach. How could I have done that to her?

I closed my eyes to try and push the memories away.

* * *

"_Your destiny is with Tess." His mother's voice kept ringing in his dream. _

"_No, I couldn't believe it! Tess isn't Liz. Liz! I have to go talk to her." He seemed to be sleeping in his own dream. He got up and started to walk to my house. When he got there, he just sat outside my old bedroom window, watching me. As he was resting his head against the brick wall, he looked as if he was finally comfortable to go back to sleep._

"_Max," I saw myself speaking to him in his dream. "What are you doing out here? It's four o'clock in the morning."_

"_I just needed to sit out here for a moment. Is that okay? I'll go back home if you want."_

"_No, no, don't do that. I…ugh." I muttered to myself that I didn't want him to leave me._

"_What is it, Liz?"_

"_Would you like to dance?" He smiled and took my hand._

_It hit me and I finally remembered that night. I thought it was just some dream Max was making up but it wasn't. This was the night I was helping Maria with Alex's collage and I finally was able to cry myself to sleep. I made the dream up for Max after Ava explained all my new powers. I just needed him that night. Now Max was remembering it._

"_Liz, this Alex thing. I don't want it to lose you."_

"_Shh..." There wasn't any music on as we slow danced in silence. We just rocked our bodies slowly together and as our eyes met, we kissed. Flashes of the day I found out Max was destined to be with Tess were exchanged between us. Then, I remembered the song "Remember Me This Way" and it started playing._

_Tears started to form in my eyes as I saw myself so vulnerable and open to him. The lyrics started to overwhelm me as I began singing:_

"_I know you can't stay _

_A part of you will never ever go away _

_Your heart will stay _

_I'll make a wish for you _

_And hope it will come true _

_That life would just be kind _

_To such a gentle mind _

_If you lose your way _

_Think back on yesterday _

_Remember me this way _

_Remember me this way"

* * *

_

Author's note:

Remember Me – "Remember Me This Way" is sung by Vanessa Williams

* * *

"Remember Me This Way" lyrics

_Every now and then we find a special friend_

_Who never lets us down_

_Who understands it all_

_Reaches out each time you fall_

_You're the best friend that I've found_

_I know you can't stay_

_But a part of you will never ever go away_

_Your heart will stay_

_I'll make a wish for you_

_And hope it will come true_

_That life will just be kind_

_To such a gentle mind_

_If you lose your way_

_Think back on yesterday_

_Remember me this way_

_Remember me this way_

_I don't need eyes to see_

_The love you bring to me_

_No matter where I go_

_And I know that you'll be there_

_For ever more a part of me you're everywhere_

_I'll always care_

_I'll make a wish for you_

_And hope it will come true_

_That life will just be kind_

_To such a gentle mind_

_If you lose your way_

_Think back on yesterday_

_Remember me this way_

_Remember me this way_

_And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you_

_I'll be standing by your side in all you do_

_And I won't ever leave as long as you believe_

_You just believe..._

_Chorus:_

_I'll make a wish for you_

_And hope it will come true_

_That life will just be kind_

_To such a gentle mind_

_And if you lose your way_

_Think back on yesterday_

_Remember me this way_

_Remember me this way_

_Reeee-member meeee thiiiiias waa-aay..._


	6. Part 5: Me and a Gun

**Part 5: Me and a Gun**

There was faint musky smell about my new apartment and it's smaller than the last one, but I like it. It's pretty with the exception of all the boxes everywhere.

_knockknockknock_

"Mommy, I get it. I get it Mommy," Caleb prattled as he ran to the door.

"NO CALEB!" I cried in fear as I went to him. "Honey, I don't want you answering the door by yourself. You don't know who would be on the other side."

"Yes, Mommy," he said as he looked at the floor.

"Sweetie, you aren't by yourself now. Go ahead and open the door." The door slowly opened and I was shocked to see who was on the other side.

"Hi Liz," she said as she looked at me then to Caleb and back to me.

My throat suddenly became dry and I couldn't utter anything. "Ava," I said and took a step backwards. "Oh my god! Ava!" I screamed. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good. I saw you this morning on the subway and followed you here. I hope that's okay."

"Oh, you could have just stopped me there," I laughed.

"I knew you would have run if I did," she whispered.

She was right and all I could do was look away.

"So when did you get to New York? Better yet Manhattan? You look like you're doing well." She looked around the apartment approvingly.

I was just relieved that she changed the topic. "Yeah, I guess so. Come on in Ava."

"Mommy, I'm going to go play in my room." I nodded.

"Liz, what happened? Talk to me."

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"If you want me to."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I began to tell her everything.

Max was out of town for some medical class he was taking, and Isabel and Maria were helping me make the welcome home dinner for him. We ran out of eggs so I went to the store and I only thought I was going to be gone for fifteen minutes.

* * *

_flashback_

_I took the change from the cashier, thanked her, and made my way to the door. I was really excited about Max coming that I was totally unaware of my surroundings including the people. Ah, I could practically feel the comfort of being in Max's arms and his scent making me dizzy. So my only focus was just to get home. I pushed open the store's door and began walking towards the house. We didn't live too far and I was thankful for that.  
_

_I was walking at a slow, steady pace and alone until a man came up beside me. I didn't recognize him at first but I told him to go away. That's when he stopped me and pressed his lips to mine. I tried pushing him away but he was so much stronger than me. I started to cry for help and then he bit my lips making them bleed. I tried to not let him into my mouth's entrance but his tongue won the battle. His hands were holding my wrists too tight that I was forced to drop the eggs. _

_I had no clue who this man was but I hated him being around me. I hated him for touching me. I hated the taste of the mixture of cigarettes and whisky on his breath and on his lips. I was feeling sick and I wanted him to stop. I tried to push him away harder but it only made him more forceful and overpowering. _

_The man broke the kiss as he pulled out a pistol and hissed in my ear, "Elizabeth Parker, I presume." I gasped and frantically thought, 'He knows me.' My heart was beating faster than ever before and I was more than terrified. "I know you're a smart young lady and I know that you know what the rules are if you cry for help," he paused and stared at my blank reaction. "But just in case you've become an airhead since the last time we've met, let me remind you. If you scream, shout or in any form cry for help, my little friend here will make sure you won't live to tell another story." He looked over me and his eyes were so evil they pierced my body just by looking at me. "I see you've grown out of that little child body you use to have. Now let me ask you something, are you still hairless down there?" _

I now remember exactly who he is and the mark he left on my past. His name was Fidel Markku, the man who raped me oh so long ago. I was six years old then. He would enter my small body and I would try to scream from both the pain and the fear but his hands were always kept on my throat. Every time I began to scream or attempted to scream, he would suffocate me until I would stop or learn to know any better. I knew if I would scream, he would shoot me until he killed me because I knew he wasn't bluffing.

The icy cold gun kissed the skin of my abdomen as Fidel's free hand snaked its way up my shirt. "Oh yes, you've grown into such a beautiful young woman Liz."

_My heart continued to race and my fear kept on growing and all the while I was losing my control, stability, and my strength. "Please don't," I begged him. My tears falling freely down the sides of my cheeks as I tugged my sweater tighter around me. All I could think about was Max. I tried so hard to connect with him but I couldn't because I was so weak that I couldn't do anything._

"_Oh baby if only I can fuck you right here, right now but that wouldn't be very smart huh?" He dragged me into his car and drove me to the hotel he was staying at. _

_When we arrived at his room he pushed me to the bed. I hadn't stopped begging him to stop and I couldn't stop crying. Fidel's eyes grew furious making him yell, "No! I want you to take those fucking clothes off now." His voice was so commanding and I did as I was told unwillingly. He looked over me again but this time I was naked. He made his way towards me, the gun still in his right hand and all I could feel was terror and pain. _

Fidel now aiming the gun at me was undressing himself. When he removed his penis from his briefs, my breathing became deep and fast in panic. As he made his way back to me, he said, "You little slut," and slapped me across my face.

_As I cried and protested, I lost consciousness.

* * *

_

Tears were running down both of our faces. "Oh my god, Liz! I had no idea. I'm so sorry, but there's just one thing I don't get," Ava said.

"Hmm?"

"By marrying Max, you became the queen whether or not he denounced the thrown. You have the powers of Isabel, Michael, and even of Tess. Your powers are even stronger then theirs. I just don't understand. Why wouldn't your powers work? What made you so weak that you couldn't fight him off?"

"I don't know." There was an awkward silence for about an hour.

"So um…what about you? When did you come back to New York? Where are you staying?" I asked.

"I came back about six months ago and returned to the same. Home sweet home, I guess."

"The sewer?" Ava just nodded. "Would you like to come and live with us?" Her eyes looked up at me, shocked and surprised. She looked as if she was just grateful enough just for me offering.

"I couldn't."

"Please, we have an extra room. I know it's not a big place, but Ava you were always a friend of mine. It would mean so much to me to have a friend again."

"Thank you so much Liz!" Tears began to run down her face again. "But I couldn't afford to pay you rent."

"Ah, do you think I could? I've been surviving on one dollar bills turned into hundreds." We both laughed.

* * *

Author's note:

Me and a Gun – "Me and a Gun" is sung by Tori Amos

* * *

"Me and a Gun" lyrics

_5am Friday morning  
Thursday night far from sleep  
I'm still up and driving  
can't go home obviously  
so i'll just change direction  
cause they'll soon know where i live  
and i wanna live  
got a full tank and some chips _

it was me and a gun  
and a man on my back  
and i sang "holy holy"  
as he buttoned down his pants

you can laugh  
its kind of funny  
things you think  
times like these  
like i haven't seen BARBADOS  
so i must get out of this

yes i wore a slinky red thing  
does that mean i should spread  
for you, your friends  
your father, mr ed

it was me and a gun  
and a man on my back  
but i haven't seen BARBADOS  
so i must get out of this

and i know what this means  
me and jesus a few years back  
used to hang  
and he said "it's your choice babe  
just remember  
i don't think you'll be back  
in 3 days time so you choose well"  
tell me whats right  
is it my right to be on my stomach  
of fred's seville

it was me and a gun  
and a man on my back  
but i haven't seen BARBADOS  
so i must get out of this

and do you know CAROLINA  
where the biscuits  
are soft and sweet  
these things go through your head  
when there's a man on your back  
and you're pushed flat on your stomach  
it's not a classic Cadillac

It was me and a gun  
and a man on my back  
but I haven't seen BARBADOS  
so I must get out of this  
I haven't seen BARBADOS  
so I must get out of this


	7. Part 6: Somewhere, Out There

**Part 6: Somewhere, Out There**

Caleb ran to turn on the television to watch his Saturday morning cartoons while I made him his breakfast. He always seemed eager to do things and he was always happy.

"A heartbreaking update on last night's drive by shooting in Time Square coming up when we come back," the anchorwoman announced on the television.

There was something about it that got my attention and the force to stay tuned. "Caleb, would you like to have your breakfast in bed?" He always begged me but I never wanted him to get the bed dirty. This time was an exception because there was just something about that accident last night that I needed to hear about.

"And we're back. You know Greg, this has yet the saddest story I've had to report all month," the anchorwoman said.

"I know what you mean, Janet."

"The drive by shooting in Time Square last night resulted infive killedand eleven people were injured. The New York Police Department was able to capture the four suspects after an hour long chase. Tonight's focus is on the two of the five victims who were killed. They were parents to a seven year old boy who they adopted from Roswell, New Mexico. Social services unsuccessfully tried to contact the biological parents and now the boy will be placed in foster care."

"OH MY GOD! AVA!" I screamed. There were so many thoughts running through my head.

"What? What's going on? Do you know him?"

"It's Zan, Max's son!"

"We can't let him go into foster care. We just can't."

"Liz, how can we? We can't kidnap him because then there would be a nation wide amber alert," she tried to reason. "Plus, they won't just hand him over to us."

"You and Tess have the same human DNA, right?"

"Yeeesss? What's going through your mind, Liz?"

"Well, if I can extract your human dna and mix it Caleb's blood, I should be able to convince social services that Zan is my son."

"Why Caleb's blood and not your own?"

"He has normal blood cells and mine slightly mutate as my powers become stronger."

"Liz…I don't know. That's risking a lot."

"I have to do this Ava, will you help me?"

"Of course!"

* * *

(The telephone rings)

"Hello?"

"Good evening. Is this the Evan's residence?"

"Yes, may I ask who's calling?"

"This is Linda Ghilarducci from New York social services. I'm trying to reach a Max Evans?"

"I'm his father, Philip Evans. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes, sir. Your grandson's adoptive parents were killed last night in a drive by shooting here in New York. Social services were wondering if you, the biological family, would like to care for him. We are just following procedures before we place him in foster care."

"Oh my! Of course, we'll take the first flight to New York." After talking to Linda Ghilarducci, Philip Evans hung up the phone and called Max.

"Hi Dad, what's up?" Max answered.

"Son, before you go ballistic make sure you are sitting down, okay?"

"Dad what's going on?"

"It's Zan. His adoptive parents were killed last night and he's going to be placed in foster care if you…"

"I…I have to go to him," Max cut off.

"I know, Max. I know son."

"I have to go Dad. I have to get to New York."

"Max!" Philip tried to catch Max before he hung up the phone. "Your mother, Isabel, and I will meet you there, okay?"

"Thanks Dad."

* * *

Zan was sitting at the top of the stair case when Linda Ghilarducci came up to him. "Zan. Hey kiddo, how are you doing?" she asked.

He stays motionless just staring down the long corridor.

"Zan, I need to ask you some questions. Would that be okay?"

He nodded.

"How would you feel if you went home with your biological parents?"

Zan bit his lip as he looked up at her. She could tell there was a bittersweet feeling stirring up inside of him. "My real mom and dad?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

* * *

Author's note:

Somewhere, Out There – "Somewhere, Out There" is sung by Linda Ronstadt James Ingram

* * *

"Somewhere, Out There" lyrics

_Somewhere out there beneath the pale moon light  
Some one's thinkin' of me and loving me to night.  
Somewhere out there some one's saying a prayer  
that we'll find one another in that big some where out there _

And even though I know how very far a part we are  
it helps to think we might be wishin' on the same bright star  
And when the night wind starts to sing a lone some lullaby  
it helps to think we're sleeping under neath the same big sky  
Somewhere out there if love can see us through  
Then we'll be together somewhere out there  
Out where dreams come true...


End file.
